My parents were CEO in one of the most famous company in
Japan. And because of their fame and wealth, my parents then are afraid that
I’ll be marrying somebody that is not the same with our state of life. And so
my parents made an arrangement with one of their partner that their son will
and I will be married at the time we are to finish college. They never asked my
opinion or my feelings about it. Still they insist and push through what they’d
planned. A month after their talked, they then made a family get together so that
all of us, specially the two of us, me and Usui Kasito, well met and know each
other. I can’t say no that time and so I joined and force myself to be involved
with the party. I’m not saying he’s not cute, he is indeed cute. Not just cute
but handsome young man that every girl would dream of, but he couldn’t get my
interest even if he did all the sweetness and gave me expensive gift. He
couldn’t wake up any feeling in me. He’s just plainly a friend to me, nothing
more nothing less. Nevertheless, we still were engaged. That’s not just that. The worst thing was that both of our
parents suggested and insisted that Usui will transfer to my school for us to
know each other and that Usui will be able to watch over me. Usui, fetched me
up every day and drop me to our house. Thought at times, He’s hard to
understand, still I managed to deal and be with him.
We’ve been classmates since middle school until high school.
At that time, my friend Kezuka and I were already close with each other, closer
than a friend but not couples. I enjoyed being with him than with Usui. So at
times, I lied to Usui that we have group meeting with my Friends or anything
that I could used as reason for me to take the time to spend it with Kezuka.I
told Usui that during Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I will not go home with
him. Only Tuesdays and thursdays only. He also agreed because he too have
circle of friends where they also have their own spree. Even if my time with
Kezuka were short compared with what I have with Usui, those times made me
happier. We dated anywhere and have fun with simple things. Even if we ate
street foods and watched only scenes in the beach on a park and people there, I
did treasure those things. I took all the time to make the best out of our time
together with Kezuka. I never felt that happiness with Usui even if we ate in
neither a five starred hotel nor visiting grand and beautiful place.
Everything went well until one day, Usui discovered the
truth. He was angry at that time.“Usui snubbed me and he’s not fetching me
since last week.” I told Kezuka while we ate our lunch that day. “But then,” I
added. “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter with me anyway.” I said. “But you need
to settle things to him Miyaki.” she said while looking at me. “He’ll be your
future husband in the future so you need to fix matters to him anyway.”, he
added while he continue eating his food. “Yeah, I know.” I said while I cut the
fish into with my fork and spoon. “If I can only choose and decide. He’s not
the one I’ll marry.” I said at that time I am already about to bite the fish on
my fork. “I already have with me the guy I like.”, I just simply added the
statement. Kezuka then scrambled to get a glass of water that time to clear the
blocked throat he had. He accidentally swallows the fish that still never
gnawed into pieces. I then helped him while laughing at him.“Whoa! You’ll pay
with what you did later Miyaki.”, he said still drinking.“I just told you
what’s the truth Kezuka.”, I said serious while I sit on my chair. He then
slowly places the glass he’s holding on the table and took my hands and said,
“Thank you Miyaki. How sweet of you.” then he kissed my hands and looked at my
eyes for many minutes. I’m waiting for him to say the words, but then, “Let’s
continue to eat our food so that we could still watch the program in the
plaza.” he said and starts eating his food again.Dismayed I am because I didn’t
heard what I wanted to hear, however, that makes me feel okay because I already
did tell him what I have in my heart. We’d finish that spree that we have with
so much fun.
One day in our school during break time, Usui grab my hands
and pulled me to walked with him so that we could talked he said that time. He
then took me at the inner part of the parking lot that few people only visit
it. When we’re already in that area he then hold my head and kissed me torridly
that it hurts my lips. That took us a long time before he’d let go of me. Both
of us panting and breathing hard for air. “What are you doing Usui?” I angrily
said to him. “Are you out of your mind already?” I added. “That’s what your punishment!” he shouted. “What?” I asked
confused.“You don’t remember?” he asked still angry. “Huh!” he smirked. “You
said you’re with your girl group but… but…” he said looking for a word to tell what
the next line is. “But you’re with your guy! With Kezuka!” he added.“What are
you thinking? He asked. “You already have a fiancée but you are going out with
a guy?” he said. “He’s my friend, best friend, close friend so to speak, Usui.”
I answered. “And even maybe he’s not. I would rather choose him than you.
Remember, ours were arranged by our parents.” I remind him. He then grabs my
two shoulders with his strong hands and carried me to the corner and again
kissed me angrily. Even if I tried to free myself but because he’s bigger than
me, I couldn’t. Even if I know Self defense, because of his sturdy body, it’s
useless. After that he then let go of my lips and said, “If you won’t marry me
you will still continue your relationship with Kezuka, then I don’t have any
choice but to make you completely mine in whatever way. And I’ll do something
bad to that Kezuka! He said angrily. “I’ll give you 3 weeks to decide Miyaki. 3
days! he stressed. He then let go of me then turned and walked away. I was
distraught that time. Don’t know what to think first, my hurt lips or Usui’s
statement. I don’t know what to do at that time. The only thing that I did was
to cry. Cried because I need to decide and I knew that I don’t like what will
be the outcome of my choice afterwards. It’s because I knew then that I need to
choose him, Usui, not Kezuka. That hurts me a lot.
Three days passed and I still don’t want to think my answer
to what Usui asked. That made me sad. That time I and Kezuka were at the beach
watching birds fly and glide above the waters. I never knew then that Kezuka is
watching me and saw there the burden that I have. “What’s the problem Miyaki?”
he asked while he made me face him. I couldn’t look at his face that time
because if I do, I know I’ll burst out and will cry. But Kezuka, really feels
that he needs to know what’s with me and so he lifted my face with her fingers.
He slowly lifts it up ’til he could see my teary eyes. Then I cried hard after
that. He then hugs me tight and comforted me. He never let a word from his
mouth. He just let me cry and pour out what I need to decant that time. It took
me minutes to calm myself but still he just hugs me and let me cry out.
After the time I am finish pouring out the burdens within
me, that’s when the time I told him what Usui did at the parking lot. I told
him everything in between the sobs even the ultimatum Usui said. He then
embrace me again and while he ‘s touching my hair he whispered to my ears
saying, “Even if you will be with him starting today, my love for you won’t
fade away Miyaki.” Then he kissed my forehead, down to my nose then to my lips.
He kissed me passionately as if it’s the end of the world. And I did enjoy
that. Because I already know that my love to him has also an answer. That he
loves me also, that the feeling is mutual. He did treasure that time,
everything that happened that time. It was Kezuka who stopped the kissed that
we had shared. And one more time he’d embrace me, tightly. “Let’s go baby. It’s
already late.” he said with a smile on his lips and eyes. And I like what he
called me that time, Babe. My heart really was full of happiness. It’s that
time that I felt I’m in heaven. I then stand up while he assisted me and we
walked to the park holding hands together and we both smile that time. I know
it’s already late in the afternoon, but I thought that it was dawn. And the sun
is shining. I feel like I don’t want to let that day end that time. I’m very
happy.
When we are 2 blocks away from our house, because that time
he brought with him his car, he then stop the car and face me. I then embrace
him and he said, “I love you. I don’t want to let you go but I know, we both
knew, that I still have to.” “But keep always remember that I do love you
Miyaki. I always will.” he added. “I love you too Kezuka. I’m really happy
today because of the things you said. I really Am.”, I said. “Thank you Kezuka.
I thought I only am the one who felt It.”, I said. “No, its two way baby. I’m
just not blunt about it because you will feel you’re so beautiful, beautiful
than anybody else.” he said afterwards he laughed while he’d let me go. “Oh! Is
that what you think?” I said. And then I pinched his side.“Ouch! That hurts.”,
he said while laughing. “Kidding aside baby, I just wanted to keep it first.”
he said. He then embraces me and we bade goodbye to each other.
The next day, I then called Usui and told him that we need
to meet because I’ll tell him what my answer with his ultimatum is earlier.
When he arrives at the meeting place we have, that is the restaurant that we
usually visit during our dates, he then said, “Let’s eat first. I’m really
hungry. He then ordered our food and we ate. When we already finished our main
course he then said, “We are to eat first our dessert before you’ll tell me
what your decision is.”I just let him handle all the things that time when we
all finished everything. He then said, “Okay, I’m ready Miyaki for your
answer.” I then told him, “I will marry you. I’ll follow what our parents set
for us to do. I’ll be your wife, a good wife, and mothers to your offspring.” I
said straight to his face.And then I said, “I’m already done with my objective
today. May I excuse myself?”He then nods his head and then I stand up and took
my way out of the restaurant.
When I’m already in my car, I then poured out my tears that
were already there when I’m taking my way out, crying because I can’t do
anything with what I have with my future. That I already said my decision, and
I know I need to choose such thing because my parent needs it too, badly. Yes,
I am in love but not with Usui, but with Kezuka. “What will happen with the
feelings we have with each other?” I asked myself. I really love Kezuka but my
fate leads me to Usui. I spent almost one hour inside my car crying hard with
the fate that I have. The good thing there is that people around me can’t see
me crying ‘cause of my tinted car. When I’m already finish and afraid that Usui
will see me still there within the vicinity, I then drove off and went home.
There in my room continue and spent my time crying bitterly.
Three months passed since the day that everything went to
what we used to do. That is all the time I’m with Usui because that’s what I
needed to do even I still long to be with Kezuka, it’s unfair for him if I do
that. I don’t even have communications with him and the worst thing to that is
I can’t and didn’t see him everywhere in the school. Been trying to locate and
determine what’s the reason behind but I can’t find any.
One day when I was in the canteen with my circle of friends
I overheard a group of girls talking about Kezuka. That triggered me to be
attentive to them and listen to what they’re talking. One of the girl said,
“Girls, Is it true that Kezuka had a leukemia?” and one of them answered, “Yes
girl. I heard it from my friend who is one of the circles of friends of Kezuka.
And if am not mistaken, he’s now in a hospital, I guess… that is Shisuken
Hospital.” “Are you sure with that?” some of the girls already paid attention
to the topic of the two girls. “Oh! That’s horrible then.” Zuni, whom I’ve
known because she’s one of my classmate in one of my subject “Don’t you know
that I have a crush on him. He’s so cute and a good boy.” She added. “Yeah, me
too. How is he right now? One of the girls beside Zuni asked. “He’s still
there I guess, because from one of his friend said he’s body is not already
responding to any chemotherapy already.” “Oh!” Because of that conversation of
those girls I then immediately excuse myself with my friends. I never waited
for their answer because I really need to know what the real story about it is.
I’m rushing to leave the school that even Usui’s presences when I met him on
the lobby I never recognize. The only objective that I have that time is to get
where Kezuka is and determine if he’s okay or not. When I’m already outside of
the school’s gate I then immediately call for a taxi and told the driver that
we’re going at Shisuken Hospital. On my way I heard my phone ringing and seen
that Usui is calling. I answered and asked why. He then said, “Where are you
going? I met you at the lobby earlier you never even acknowledge me even a
glance. Where are you going? It’s not yet time to leave the school and you
still have one subject left right?” “Oh1 I’m sorry Usui. I’m on my way right
now to the hospital.” I said. “Why are you going there?” he asked. “I want to
check if Kezuka is there and if his seek and if his alright. Want to ask him if
the rumor about him having leukemia is wrong.” I answered him while I’m choking
and my tears are already falling down my cheeks.” I hope you’ll understand why
I need to visit him. Why I need to know if he’s okay, Am I right Usui?” I
asked. There’s a long silence from his line and then he said, “Okay, I’ll
follow you there.” “Thank you Usui. Thank you.” I said and I turned off the
phone.
The cab arrived at the lobby of the hospital and I
immediately asked from the information office where and what room is Kezuka
were confined. They then told me its room number 15D. And no more a do, I run to
the room while my tears were falling. I prayed to God that things must be okay.
That he only have a minor illness. I did ask that while running. When I’m
already in front of the room, I then saw through the mirrors Kezuka and his
family there inside watching Kezuka. I then knock and open the door. When the
mother of Kezuka recognizes me, she then embrace me then led me to come closer
to Kezuka. After that, one by one they excuse themselves for the two of us,
Kezuka and I will have time to talk. When every one of them leaves, there is a
long silence inside of the room. It’s as if nobody wants to talk between
us. I just watched him while my tears fall. He then grabs my hands slowly and
told me, “Miyaki, come closer please.” And I move closer. Get closer and then I
embrace him and cry over his shoulder. He just pats my back comforting me while
I kept crying bitterly. Minutes pass and I tried to stop my tears and asked him
in between sobs “Why did you not inform me of this? When was this started?” I
asked while looking at his pale face. “Actually it started last year. I kept it
from you so you won’t be worried.” He answered. “And I know that you have lots
of problem already with Usui, and I don’t want to add burdens to you. I just
want you to be happy with me Miyaki. Because every time I saw you smiling it’s
as if I’m fulfilled already.” He added while holding my hands. At that time I’m still crying. “Remember baby, even if I’m
not with you, I love you. I love you very much.”, I then hug him. He then took
my chin then looks at me and said, “Stop crying baby. You’re not that beautiful
already because you keep on crying.” He then smile and we look at each other
eyes then slowly he took my lips and we kissed.
At that time, Usui is waiting outside. Saw what was going
on. And when I go out from the room after waiting for Kezuka to rest and sleep,
I then saw him looking at me and said, “Its okay Miyaki. I understand the
situation. And if I don’t I’ll try and will try my best to understand
everything. But I just want to ask you again, you’ll keep your statement right,
to marry me?” He looked at my eyes and waited for the answer. I then answered
“whatever I said to you Usui, I won’t take it back. And I will do it.” He
smiled. “Thank you and it’s very kind of you in understanding it.” “It’s okay
with me Miyaki, That’s how I love you” he said while smiling. “Are we to go
home now?” he asked. “Yes.” I answered. Then I asked permission from the
parents of Kezuka and told them that I’ll return to visit Kezuka. We bade
goodbye and off we go.
While we’re already taking the road going home, “Usui, I
would like to inform you that I’ll always visit Kezuka. Is it okay with you?
Because if it’s not, I’m sorry but I will still visit.” He is quiet for a long
time and said, “As I’ve said earlier it’s okay with me but the only thing I
wanted is that when you visit I’ll go with you. Is it okay with you?” After
that, I am then the one who took time to answer. “I told you that because I
just want to help you, give you a ride and to make you safe as well. You can’t
be able to drive your car when you are crying, right?”he added. “Yeah, your
right” I said while nodding my head. “Thank you Usui for thinking of my
safety”. He then glance at me and smile. Then silence filled the car as we are
taking the road to my house. Starting that day I keep visiting Kezuka, during
vacant time and before I go home, and Usui is with me always. But he never took
the time to get inside Kezuka’s room for delicacy sake.
One day, “Can we buy first fruits before we visit Kezuka?”,
I asked Usui. We then went to a supermarket to buy fresh fruits for Kezuka. And
when we’re buying fruits, Usui picked mango but I said, “Not that Usui. He
loves eating melon.” Usui only smile and asked the vendor of the price of the
mango and we bought some for Kezuka. We then buy takeout food on a restaurant
that we used to dine for the family of Kezuka and for us.
While we’re on our way to the hospital, my phone rang with
the song:
~Heaven can’t wait up higher in the sky. It’s you and I,
Heaven
And can’t wait deep down in your eyes, I’m yours tonight.
Lay
your heart next to mine… I feel so alive…~
It’s Kezuka’s number and I picked it up. “Hi baby, the voice
at the other side answered.” And I answered, “Oh! Kezuka! How are you? We’re on
our way going there to you. We brought lots of food”, “Oh! Thank you baby. I
just call to tell you how much I love you and missed you.” he said. And I said”
Wait!” and I told Usui, “can we stop for a while, I need space? Just for a
while.” And Usui also gave me the favor. When the car stopped, I then moved out
of the car and closed it for privacy. “Hello love, are you still there?”I asked
Kezuka. “Yes baby. I missed you already.” He said. “I missed you too love and I love you very much.”I answered.
And I heard a deep breath on the other line and Kezuka said in sincere voice,
“Miyaki, When I’m gone you always remember that I’m still with you, in your
heart. I’ll always there to guide you. If I’m gone you need to move on with
your life… with Usui. I know that he’ll take good care of you. Always remember
that I love you… I love you Miyaki… I love you baby.” And the phone went dead.
“Hello… Kezuka? Hello!” Huh! Why did he turn off the phone. I then open the door and sit inside the passengers seat and
said to Usui, “let’s go.” And I smiled to him thankful for the understanding
he’s giving.
We then took again the way going to the hospital. We then
parked the car and took the path going to Kezuka’s room. While we’re 20 steps
away from the room of Kezuka, we then saw doctors and nurse running going
inside Kezuka’s room. My heart beat fast. Usui and I looked at each other and I
then run to reach Kezuka’s room. Usui is following me. I then get inside the
room where I saw Kezuka’s parents crying as well as his brothers and sisters. I
then turn my eyes to the bed where Kazuke lay and saw nurses and doctors
reviving him back to life. They’d tried their best to revive him but the
cardiac monitor displayed a flat line. The doctors then look at us and bowed
his head. It’s a cue for us that Kezuka is gone. His family went to his body
and mourns. You can hear cries in the room. And I felt the hands of Usui on my
shoulder comforting me. I didn’t move. I don’t know what to do. I didn’t cry
yet that time. My mind couldn’t process what had happened or I don’t want my
mind to accept the reality that Kezuka’s gone. He’s gone.. Gone? Gone. HE’S
GONE.
The family of Kezuka looked at me at that moment.
Emphasizing with what I are infront of me. Usui then hold me on my shoulders
and walked me closer to where Kezuka is. I looked at Kezuka’s face. He’s as if
smiling. I’m thinking and imagining he’s just resting. And waiting for me there
that when I’ll kiss his forehead he’ll open his eyes and look at me smiling.
I’m thinking… Thinking that he will still asked me that I’ll feed him with the
sweet melon I brought with him today… He’s gone. My mind interrupted. He’s
gone.
My tears then started to fall from my eyes and my hands
slowly touched his cheeks, he’s nose, it’s as if my hands wanted to memorize
the curves, the face that he had. I then kissed his lips that is starting to
get cold and after that I hug him tightly… and then whispered to his eyes, “I’m
here already love. I’m already here. I brought you your favorite melon. I
picked it up just for you”. Then my tears starting to well up. “I love you
Kezuka. I love you!” And I cried hard after that, that it makes my shoulders
shake. I took minutes to cry while embracing him. If Usui never took me my
shoulder and make me turn to him then embrace me, I wouldn’t maybe think of
letting Kezuka off my embrace. I then cried on Usui’s shoulder. I cried hard.
He then lead me and take me to sit on the couch and Comfort me there.
That was three years ago and still I’m my tears fall when I
remember Kezuka. “Hello Kezuka”, I brought you flowers. I picked this up from
my garden. Usui helped me. You know he needs to assist me. I’m now five months
pregnant and it’s a boy Kezuka.” I’m smiling while touching my tummy and the
baby inside moved. “hehehe, my baby moved love!” I said at tomb of Kezuka. “Oh!
I need to go now love. It’s already late and Usui is waiting at the car.” I
said. “Goodbye love and I love you “ I added. And I turned and started to
walked going to the car where Usui waits. “Oh! Wait!” I turned back and said, “
I just want to inform you that Usui agreed that we will name our son, first
son, after you.” “And I want to tell you too that Usui is like you love. He
really loves me. And I’m starting to love him also.” I said. It’s proper and
right to love him, right.” But then he’s giving me the time that I’ll learn to
love him, and he’s starting to be successful in doing so.” I smiled and glanced
to Usui’s location. “Just want to inform you Kezuka, At that this will be the
last time I’ll visit you. As you said, I need to move on. Thanks for
everything. And I love you.”
I then took my way to Usui and when I reached his place I
then embrace him. And then look at him and I smiled then said, “Usui…” “Yes
honey?” he asked. “I love you.” I said while looking at him. He stopped and
looked at me for a long time as if it never registered to his mind. I then took
his hand and hold it then said while smiling at him, “Usui, my honey, I love
you. Thanks for everything.” Then slowly his eyes became big and his smile is
as if it reaches his ears, “Is it true honey?” I then nod my head while smiling
at him and still holding his hands. “Yes!”, he exclaimed. “Thank you darling,
thank you” as he embrace me tightly but careful with my tummy. “Thank you
honey. And I love you too”, he added. Then he kissed me on my lips. We then
took the rode and off with our car away from the cemetery.
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